Garcia's Secret
by ashlovesCM
Summary: when Emily died it left everyone feeling hurt and alone but one person was more affected than the others. Emily told Garcia days before she disappeared but how long can she keep the secret when it involves another team member?
1. the secret

Garcia couldn't believe it, _wouldn't _believe it. Emily, her best friend, was dead. She'd only gotten back from the hospital a few hours ago, after Morgan had dropped her back home, but it had felt like years since the news had hit her. Emily wasn't coming back. She was gonna be put in a box then buried. Her body would rot away just like those murder victims they'd had to deal with so many times. In a few years there might be new evidence and they'd dig her body back up, except this time it would just be a box full of bones.

Garcia wondered if the team were thinking the same as she was. But then she remembered that she knew something they didn't.

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"Are you alright?" Garcia slowly eased open the girls' bathroom door and peaked inside. Emily was wiping something off her cheek while holding a few strands of hair out of her face.

"I'm fine" Emily replied with a little snap in her voice that Garcia didn't take much notice of. The blonde woman smiled softly and walked closer, leaning against one of the sinks.

"You don't look it" Garcia stated honestly. Emily's skin was a little paler than usual and that something she was wiping of her cheek was puke that had splattered up at her from the toilet bowl.

"Gee, thanks" Emily replied sarcastically then dropped the paper towel in the trash can.

"Are you sure you're ok?" Garcia asked again, this time noting her irritability. Emily paused a moment before trying her best to smile and nodding. Garcia raised a doubting eyebrow so Emily tried to explain.

"I've just got a bit of headache, that's all" She offered while turning and checking herself in the mirror, at least she'd managed to get the vomit off her face.

"Are you…?" Garcia asked and a new smile crept onto her face, her eyes gleaming as she looked Emily up and down.

"Am I what?" Emily turned back to her with a look of confusion and looked down her body to find the source of the blonde's smile.

"Are you… you know…" Garcia asked with the same look of excitement. When Emily continued to stare back at her blankly she rolled her eyes but still looked gleeful "Are you pregnant?"

Something flickered behind the raven haired woman's eyes before a barrel of excuses rolled of her tongue. "What? No! Of course I'm not, why would you even…?" Then she paused and quickly turned back to the mirror.

A grin claimed Garcia's face and she bounced up and down from excitement, almost like a child would do. "You so are!" She said and ran forward so they were only a foot apart.

"Garcia you have to _promise_ me you won't tell anyone" Emily quickly said as she spun to face the excited tech queen.

"Aw, why? Afraid of being taken out of the line of fire?" Garcia said jokingly and laid a soft punch to Emily's arm.

"No it's just really important that you don't, ok?" Emily still looked concerned so Garcia straightened up slightly and a grim look crossed her face.

"You aren't thinking of…" Garcia couldn't even bare to finish her sentence, not when she knew that Emily had had to make that same decision when she was only fifteen.

"No" Emily said gently and her facial expression softened into a smile. "It just needs to be kept private for a while, ok?"

A smile returned to Garcia's lips although this time it seemed wary, almost like she was frightened of being happy encase it was taken away. "But why?"

Emily paused a moment then glanced round to make sure no one could hear her, even though the bathroom was empty apart from them, then took a deep breath. "The baby's dad is someone on the team-" She started and Garcia's face split into her biggest grin yet. "So it's _really_ important that I get to tell him before everyone else knows" She rushed out before Garcia smile became too distracting.

"You sly dog!" Garcia grinned and playfully punched her arm again. "Come on, who is it?" She asked but Emily had already glided past her and was nearing the bathroom door.

"Not saying" Emily said with a little smile playing on her lips, it was nice to be finally have told someone even if it wasn't him first.

"Oh, come on. You _have_ to tell me!" Garcia called while Emily walked away down the corridor with a bounce in her step.

"Bye Garcia!" She called while spinning round and giving her a cheeky smile.

"Tease!"

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Tears slipped down her cheeks after Garcia thought back to the memory but it made no difference to her appearance, the previous tears had already left streaks in her makeup. Annoyed at herself, she pushed the tears away and took herself to the bathroom where she cleaned her face and tied back her hair into a messy bun. When she glanced at the clock it read quarter to one in the morning but Garcia didn't care. Tonight she was going to look back at every memory she could recollect of Emily and grieve for her best friend without any bright splashes of colour or cartoon grins to break the pain.

**So this has been an idea for a story for a while but it's only been the last two days I've had enough time to start it. I still haven't completely decided on who the baby's dad is going to be so reviews on who you'd like would be really appreciated. Hope you enjoyed the chapter! :)**


	2. first day back

The first person to greet Garcia, as she entered the bullpen, was Reid who gave her a weak smile. Next was Morgan who slowly turned and gave her a small nod. She glanced up and saw Hotch scowling at a file while scribbling something down through his office window.

"What brings you out of your lair?" Morgan asked as an attempt to keep things light hearted, although the crackles in his voice proving he hadn't felt like talking in a long time.

"It was too quiet down there" Garcia replied softly while still watching Hotch… could it be him?

Morgan watched the blonde for a few moments then cleared his throat "Reid could you get me a coffee, I've drunk all of mine" He said with distraction obvious in his tone. Reid took the hint and took Morgan's half full cup toward the coffee machine. "Are you alright" Morgan asked and gently placed a hand on Garcia's shoulder.

Garcia jumped and quickly turned toward him, Morgan letting his hand slide off her arm. "I'm fine I was just… thinking about something" Garcia stuttered out. "I better go" She added before beginning a walk toward her lair.

"Garcia-" Morgan said seriously while grabbing her hand to stop her moving any further away.

From across the room Reid watched the altercation between Morgan and Garcia ending with Morgan again trying to stop her leaving and Garcia angrily ripping her arm free. Reid flicked his eyebrows then came back to his desk, a confused Morgan taking his coffee and staring into the dark liquid.

"What was that about?" Reid asked with a hint of concern in his voice before he took a sip of his drink.

"I tried to talk to her about…" He paused a minute and cleared his throat while glancing round the room. "About Emily… but I don't think she's ready yet"

"Hotch is making us all have assessments" Reid stated while watching Hotch in his office.

"Why'd you think that?" Morgan asked while moving his eyes from Hotch to Reid.

"He walked pass me today carrying six files for a psychological and grief assessments. It makes sense that we'd all need one because we worked close with her" Reid replied robotically, looking down into his coffee when he mentioned Emily.

"Yeah, well, I'm not talking to a shrink" Morgan said with disdain before getting up and walking away.

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Garcia plonked herself down at her computer and stretched her fingers, today she was going to get to work on figuring out who it could be. After a few minutes of typing she ran a hand through her hair and massaged her temples; this definitely wasn't going to be as easy as she thought.

Emily wasn't the type of person to accidently give away her relationship with someone if it was meant to be kept private so talking to people wouldn't help. Anyone going into Emily's house now could just be cleaning out her stuff so that wouldn't tell her if it could be them. There was no option of a DNA test as the funeral was last week and Garcia had no actual proof Emily had been pregnant, just her word.

After a few moments she sighed and slumped back in her chair. Although Garcia was quite happy to sit in her lair and not in the line of duty like the profilers, it sucked not being as prepared for situations like these. Morgan and Hotch could pick this apart in minutes, Reid probably faster.

There was only one thing to do. Garcia knew she couldn't take this task on by herself; she needed help. The only trouble was who. Any of the boys could be the mystery man and JJ was so tied up with Henry asking about Aunty Emily that adding this to the list of things to worry about seemed unfair. She could ask Anderson for some help… but she hadn't said more than two words to him since the funeral and had probably burnt her bridges for a heart to heart when she blamed him for Elle getting shot.

So who could help her? Kevin? No. this needed to be handled within the team. Until she was sure who it was no one outside her family could know. She'd just have to work out which one of the boys she could trust.

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Reid sat at his desk, a pile of paperwork in front of him and a mug of coffee in one hand. He really needed to concentrate but every time he tried to do some work his minded started drifting again. He didn't understand it. It had never been this bad before. When his dad left he was only a kid. He probably thought it was temporary. But there's nothing temporary about death. Nothing at all.

He sighed and sat forward, pulling one of his desk drawers open and fumbling for the packet of painkillers. His headaches were worse than ever. The bright lights glaring down on him only made them worse but he knew a place that was dark enough was almost impossible to find. Of course, it didn't help having to act like he didn't care about Emily. But Reid would rather look unemotional than let on about how much he cared about her.

He placed the dry tablets in his mouth and took a sip of sickly sweet coffee before placing the mug back on the table, pulling a file close to him and getting to work.

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Hotch quickly signed his name at the bottom of the document he'd finished reading and sat back in his chair. The paperwork was complete and Emily was safe in some distant country. JJ was going to Paris tomorrow to give her everything she needed before Emily would disappear… possibly for good.

He felt sick to his stomach at what he was doing. He knew it was for the best but some part of him was screaming at him to tear up that piece of paper and bring Emily home. Hotch knew this was the for the best and to keep Emily safe no one could know where she was going but this all felt so _wrong_.

Hotch gritted his teeth and placed the document with the rest of his paperwork before placing it in a brown paper envelope, ready to be delivered.

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Morgan took a sip of his cold coffee then slightly winced at the taste. He'd been avoiding leaving his office and even when he was out making coffee he had skipped sugar just so he could get back to his office and ignore the world. He knew he was avoiding the situation and that it wouldn't help but it still left him staring at his office window, contemplating whether or not to go outside.

Case files sat in front of him that he had been trying to complete for the best part of the day but none of it made sense. One minute he would be reading through a coroner's report and the next he was thinking back to one of the last moments he saw Emily alive.

"Come on, Derek" Morgan mumbled to himself as he pushed up off his chair and grabbed his almost empty mug. Roughly pulling open the door his eyes slide over the people in the bullpen before he made his way to the coffee machine.

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Garcia dropped her fluffy pen next to her keyboard, spun her chair round and bounced out of her lair. She'd narrowed down the list and knew there was one person she could trust. One person left in the office that could help her.

Her multicoloured dress swirled around her legs while her heels clicked against the catwalk as she circled the bullpen before reaching the right office. She knocked lightly then pulled the door open and began talking before he could object.

"I know you're going home soon and I know you don't want to talk but… I need your help"

**I've had a lot of writer's block lately but it's passed (finally!) and I'm back to work. I spent the last week working on all the stories I've got that are still open and this is the second to be updated and I've only got one more to go so updating is probably going to be a weekly thing from now on! I still want to leave time for anyone who missed the first chapter to add in who they want to be the mystery man so I've left this one open ended. Next chapter should be next Thursday and will, hopefully, eliminate one of the boys. Please favourite/follow if you're enjoying the story and review if you've got time! Hope you liked the chapter!**


	3. Rossi's office

"Take a seat" Rossi said with a soft smile while motioning to the chair in front of his desk. Garcia nodded then hurriedly took a seat. "This is about Emily, isn't it?" Rossi asked, his smile fading slightly.

"I didn't know who else to come to. I… I know something about Emily and I can't keep it to myself… I've tried but I _can't. _He deserves to know" Garcia explained, her voice becoming quieter and more fragile as she went on.

"Who deserves to know?" Rossi asked and raised an eyebrow.

"I… I don't know" Garcia admitted. "But there's someone who was really important to Emily and he's out there having to cope by himself. That's not right. He can't go through something like this and he needs to know about-" Garcia said in a rush of words then stopped herself.

"What does he need to know about, Garcia?" Rossi asked with a serious look. Garcia bit her bottom lip and there was silence in the room for a few moments before Rossi sighed. "I know she had a relationship with someone in the team"

"H-How would you know that? She only told me a week before she… left. She said she hadn't told anyone else" Garcia said in disbelief.

"She didn't tell me. I'd been in the same situation when I was younger and I saw the signs in her" Rossi explained with a shrug.

"There's something else" Garcia stated with a rough voice, only just managing to raise it above a whisper. Rossi raised an eyebrow again but didn't say anything. "She was pregnant"

Rossi sighed and sat back in his chair. "I thought I saw the signs of that too. I hoped I was wrong after everything that happened" He murmured.

"You knew?" Garcia asked then frowned. "Well, if you know so much, who was her boyfriend?"

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Reid ran a hand through his hair then sat back in his chair. He glanced round the almost empty bullpen before rubbing his tired eyes and standing up. He grabbed the file he'd been working on and roughly pushed it into his messenger bag and tucked his chair into the desk. His eyes flickered to the offices along the catwalk; Garcia was in Rossi's office, Hotch was staring at his desk and Morgan hadn't left his office for hours. He sighed again as he began the walk to the elevator.

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"Garcia, Emily didn't tell me. I used my profiling skills to work out some of the clues. If you were trained in the same way then you would have done the same. The fact still remains that Emily trusted you more than anyone to keep her secret" Rossi said sternly then sighed again. "I don't know who the father is. I had my suspicions but I never felt the need to investigate it. I just thought she would tell us when she was ready"

Garcia sat forward slightly in her chair, cleared her throat then asked "Who did you suspect?"

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Morgan ran his hand over the back of his head in frustration. In front of him were six balled up pieces of paper, each scrunched up when his frustration got too much. He placed a new sheet of paper on the desk, picked up his pen and started again. 'Dear Emily. Today was our first day back. It was worse than I thought. Your desk is still empty but they've removed your personal effects. I miss you. I-' the sentence was stopped midstream as Morgan scrunched the paper up then tore it in a rage. He swiped the papers off the surface then kicked the desk, dropping back onto his chair once he had calmed down.

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"I don't have any proof it was him. I just _thought_ there might have been something between them-" Rossi began in a rush.

"Who is it?" Garcia asked through clenched teeth.

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Hotch dropped his pen on the desk and let out a heavy breath. His eyes shut for a few moments before they flickered open again and he reached for the phone that sat on his desk. The number he dialled was one he knew from memory; it only took a few seconds for his fingers to find all the right buttons. He listened to the woman's voice on the end of the line for a few moments then cleared his throat. "Hey" He said softly. "Is Jack still up? I really need to talk to him"

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"It was pure scepticism. I don't know for sure any more than you do"

"David, my best friend _died_ twelve days ago. One of the last things she told me was that she was pregnant. The baby is _dead,_ Emily is _dead._ And there's a man walking round our office who doesn't know he had a child, let alone know that child is gone forever. Now you're going to tell me who that man is or I'll tell the whole team you knew Emily was in a relationship with someone and didn't tell us even when she went missing" Garcia snapped, her eyes threatening tears and her hands shaking slightly.

"Morgan. I thought it might be Morgan" He finally sighed.

"What?" Garcia whispered, a tear slipping down her cheek quickly followed by another. "No. You're wrong" She argued, standing up and backing away from the desk.

"Garcia, sit down and I can explain it to you" Rossi pleaded.

"No! You lied to me!" Garcia shouted as she grabbed the door handle and pulled it open.

"Garcia!" Rossi called before the door was slammed shut. The blonde took a few deep breaths then roughly pushed the tears away as she made her way through the bullpen.

"Everything ok, Garcia?" Anderson asked after the blonde slide past him.

Garcia's head whipped round before her eyes focused on the familiar figure and she rapidly nodded. "I'm fine" She murmured while making a fast walk out of the bullpen and down the corridor to the privacy of her lair.

**Some of you might have noticed my small obsession with Anderson but hopefully it's not interfering too much with the actual story. It's just that Anderson barely ever gets mentioned! Anyway, I wanted to keep the idea of showing how the guys of the BAU (Reid, Morgan & Hotch) felt. I hope you guys liked the chapter and remember: just because Rossi has his suspicions, doesn't mean he's right! **


	4. just breath

Garcia sat back in her chair and took a deep breath. Rossi could have got it wrong, right? Morgan would have told him. She would have noticed. "Breath, Penelope" She whispered to herself, placing a hand on her chest to feel it heave up and down. "Just breath" Her eyes fluttered shut as her mind focused solely on her breathing. In. Out. In. Out.

After a few minutes she slowly opened her eyes, the bright lights of the computer screens greeting her hazy mind. She groaned slightly as she leant forward and rubbed her temples. "What've you got yourself into, girl" She murmured in a weary voice. She needed Emily here to tell her what to do. Emily always knew what to do.

A soft knocking noise pulled Garcia out of her thoughts and her eyes sort out the door. Rossi slowly peeked his head through the door and smiled weakly. "Do you wanna talk about that" He asked softly while edging into the room and closing the door.

"It's not him. He would have told" She mumbled while standing and wandering round the room.

"Why don't you sit down and we can talk about it" He offered, his hand motioning toward the sofa in the corner of the room.

"It's not him" She growled, her head whipping round the room with a confused look. "Something's wrong" She whispered.

"Garcia, let's just sit down and you can think a little clearer" He said, reaching out a hand for her arm.

"No! Something is _wrong_!" She yelled. "I need you to leave. I… I need you to get out" She whispered.

"Garcia, just tell me what's wrong and I'll fix it" Rossi pleaded.

"Get out! G- Get out of here!" Garcia shouted, herding Rossi out of the room as she spoke. She slammed the door once his body was on the other side then leant back on it, tears streaming down her cheeks as her heart raced.

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Rossi slowly creaked open the door, glanced round Garcia's lair then took a step inside and sat down on the sofa. A couple of feet away Garcia had her head in her hands and her eyes closed. "Are you okay?" He asked softly.

"I'm fine it was just…" She mumbled then smiled weakly. "Kevin filled up my cup but he put it back in the wrong place"

"Does that happen often?" He asked and raised an eyebrow slightly.

"Not really… Never that bad" Garcia sighed. "Em and Morgan used to help me with them. Emily could always calm me down enough to find what's wrong and Morgan would make me smile afterwards" She explained.

Rossi nodded and smiled softly before a long pause. "I know it's not my place to ask, but what triggered that reaction with Morgan?"

Garcia took a few deep breaths then slightly shook her head. "I would have liked to think Morgan would have told me… They were my friends, they could have trusted me"

"Morgan can still be your friend, Penelope" Rossi said softly and squeezed her hand slightly.

"Not after I've been rooting through his business… I should have just left it alone"

"Do you really think Morgan can cope with this alone?" Rossi asked then watched her for a few seconds. "He needs a friend. You can be that for him"

"How? I- I don't know what to say to him anymore"

"Yes you do" Rossi encouraged. "Morgan needs you now more than ever and I know that deep down you wanna help him, you just need to try"

Garcia took a deep breath then let it out and smiled gently, wiping a tear drying on her cheek. "I'm a mess" She mumbled then sniffed feebly.

"You just need some time" Rossi said softly and patted her hand. "I'll give you some space so you can decide what to do" He added then stood to leave.

"David?" Garcia called which made the man turn on his heels and smiled at her with a questioning look. "Thank you"

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"You've been crying" Morgan mumbled while sitting back in his desk and rubbing a hand roughly across his face.

"Yeah… I was just thinking about her" Garcia said softly while wiping a stray tear away and watching Morgan. "I've been thinking a lot about her lately… Remembering the last conversations we had, the last girls' night out… mostly just silly stuff"

Morgan smiled weakly and nodded. "I guess it's natural to think about the things you'll miss" He said in a rough voice.

"We used to always talk about guys a lot too. She hadn't been interested in conversations like that for the last couple years though… I used to brush it off as her growing up or whatever… but the more I think about it… The more I think she had a boyfriend and that's why she wasn't interested in guys anymore" Garcia explained while intently watching Morgan.

Morgan's eyes glanced up at Garcia before he let them drop back to his desk and shrug. "She never mentioned anything to me"

"Really? It's just; you were spending a lot of time with her before she left… I thought she would have talked about it with someone"

"She never mentioned anything to me about it" Morgan said defensively.

Garcia paused then let out a breath of air and nodded. "Hotch told me writing how I felt would make it easier… I guess he told you that too" She said and glanced down at the trash can piled high with scrunched up paper.

"I've never been the type to write down how I feel"

"No... You've always been more of a phone guy" Garcia joked with a grin.

Morgan smiled wryly and shook his head. "You can always make me smile, no matter what"

"Force of habit" Garcia excused herself with a half smile before a long pause. "It's gonna get better, right? It won't always feel like this?"

"I hope so… I mean, they talk about it getting better… Maybe one day we'll wake up and feel different. We're supposed to stay positive until then" Morgan explained then pushed a grief recovery book across the desk. "I'm guessing I'm not the only one who got this too"

"FBI protocol, huh?" Garcia mumbled while picking up the book, reading the title then dropping it back onto the desk. "This is gonna get better" She added in a determined voice and squeezed Morgan's hand. "I promise"

**I must have forgot to update yesterday sorry! Anyway, here's the new chapter! I wanted to focus a little more on Garcia and give her a heart to heart with Rossi as well as with Morgan. There's been a LOT of support for a Morgan/Emily story so I'll be going with that ship partially because of the demand and partially because I've never done a Demily story before so this should be fun! If you were hoping for a different ship there are a couple of Reid/Emily stories floating round that I've written and I might eventually get round to a Hotch/Emily story. Hope you liked the chapter!**


	5. i'm ready

Morgan squeezed the bunch of flowers in his hands as he walked the final steps and stopped by the grave. He took a deep breath then looked up, his eyes skimming over the words on the gravestone and his heart sunk. He had been hoping they had changed in the week he had left them alone, hoping maybe this time they wouldn't read Emily's name. He sighed and gently placed the flowers on the ground by the headstone and took a step back.

"I tried the writing thing" Morgan began in a rough voice. "But it didn't help… Hotch is making us have these assessments but I never know what to say. I'm just so tired of everything…" He sighed. "I just want to see you again… The last thing I said to you, before you went chasing after Doyle and got stabbed… It just keeps going through my head" He added in a desperate tone. "I said I'd see you at home… I was gonna order pizza when we got back… You didn't even leave a note"

Morgan roughly rubbed his face to stop the tear pushing at his eyes not to fall. A buzzing noise came from inside so he pulled out his phone, checked the message, sighed and placed it back in his pocket.

"I've got to go… There's a case" He mumbled to the ground. "I miss you" He whispered before turning and starting a brisk walk back to the car park.

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Morgan could distantly hear Garcia's voice but it was so muffled he barely paid attention to it. Occasionally the voice would change to Reid's or Rossi's but it never snapped him out of his daydream. Not until he heard Hotch's stern voice in the background.

Morgan's eyes widened and he sat up slightly in his chair. He shook the daydream from his mind and glanced round, realizing he was in the briefing room with the team exchanging looks.

"Wheels up in thirty" Hotch sighed. Reid glanced at Morgan with a worried expression then stood and followed the rest of the team out of the briefing room. Morgan slowly stood and shuffled a few pieces of paper back into the file, his eyes gliding over the information to refresh himself on the case. "Are you sure you're ready for this case?" Hotch asked.

Morgan glanced up then smiled weakly and nodded. "I'm fine"

"It's only been three weeks since the funeral. No one would think less of you for needing some more time" Hotch said in a low voice, his eyes hard as he sorted the papers left on the table.

"Look Hotch, I'm fine" Morgan proclaimed, dropping the files when his voice cracked on the last word. "I'm fine" He added in a defeated tone.

"I want you to stay here and help Garcia for this case. You can join us when you're ready" Hotch sighed then walked toward the door.

"I'm ready now, Hotch!" Morgan exclaimed but the man ignored him, walking out of the briefing room before he could be stopped. Morgan sighed heavily and slumped into one of the chairs.

A few minutes later there was a soft knock at the door before Garcia took a cautious step inside and smiled softly. "Spending a few days helping me out can't be too bad, right?"

Morgan smiled wryly and glanced over to the tech queen. "I don't know…the snacks on that plane _are_ amazing… but I can probably settle"

"You did _not_ just compare me to a bag of peanuts" Garcia growled then broke into a grin. "Come on, handsome. I've got some trash that needs cleaning out of the lair"

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"Garcia" A voice called but the blonde couldn't snap herself out of the thought she had been trapped in. "Garcia?" The voice said again, dragging the word out as a dark hand waved in front of her. "Baby girl" The voice said in a louder voice while clicking his fingers in front of her eyes.

Garcia sat bolt upright and looked round in a flustered way. Her eyes fixed on Morgan for a moment then the ringing phone drew her attention. She quickly pushed the button and JJ's voice broke into the room.

"Hey Garcia, I've sent you a few names that need cross matching with the list of released sex offenders in Michigan. Could you do that for me?"

Garcia quickly scooted to her computer and rapidly began typing. "Yeah, sure. I just need a sec to find the list. I'll call you back if I get a match" She murmured.

"Ok, thanks…" JJ said then paused "Are you alright?" She asked in a hushed voice, her eyes checking to make sure no one could hear.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" Garcia said with fake enthusiasm. "There's a long list of creeps JJ so it's gonna take a while to go through… I'll hit you back in a couple minutes" She added and disconnected the phone before she could protest. She sat back in her chair and sighed, sucking in a breath of air then caught Morgan's eyes watching her. "I was just daydreaming" Garcia mumbled to brush off his stare.

Morgan flicked his eyes and sat back in the sofa in resignation. "Must have been one hell of dream"

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Morgan watched the sleeping woman in front of him. Her forehead was furrowed and her lips were tightly pressed together to stop them twisting into a grimace. He tried to imagine what could be making her so uncomfortable in her sleep. Maybe he should wake her up? He debated for a few moments then decided against it, she'd had a bad day and didn't need disturbing.

At least he_ thought _he wasn't going to wake her up. When her lips started to quiver and her eyes started moving behind the lids he knew something was very wrong. He kneeled down beside her and rested a gentle hand on her arm.

"Penelope" He whispered in the softest voice he could manage but the woman didn't stir. Instead her lips parted slightly and she let out a ragged breath of air. Morgan rubbed her arm a little harder and licked his lips out of habit. "You need to wake up, Garcia" He pleaded.

"No!" She yelped in her sleep. "Come back… Please" She whispered, her eyes starting to water which made Morgan worry even more. After shaking her again Morgan decided there was only one thing he could do to shake her out of the nightmare.

The woman's eyes flew upon as she felt her body being pulled upwards and into a sitting position, a shaky hand squeezing hers as she took in her surroundings. "What's going on?" She asked in a rough voice while attempting to stand.

Morgan held her in place with his strong hands and hushed her. "You're in your office… You had a nightmare" He explained. After a few minutes he gently released his grip then sat down on her office chair.

"I'm sorry" Garcia whispered in a crackly voice. "I didn't mean to worry you"

"It's not your fault… you can't control a dream" He mumbled then took on a nervous look. "Do you know what it was about?"

Garcia's eyes glanced up to Morgan then fell back to the floor. "Emily"


	6. the bathroom

"Do you… Do you wanna talk about it?" Morgan asked in a rough voice, the dim lights of Garcia's lair creating a soft glow.

Garcia firmly shook her head and sat back in the chair to relax. "Not yet" She whispered while tugging a blanket toward her. Morgan nodded then watched as the waves of sleep engulfed the blonde until her head was dropping and her breathing had steadied. As soon as he was sure she was asleep again he stood and made his way out of the office and toward the coffee machine. He quickly filled a cup with the fresh, hot liquid then strolled into the bullpen.

The cleaners had cleared up the mess from the previous day and it looked ready for a fresh day of work. The lights along the catwalk had been switched off but a few lights in the bullpen had been kept on encase the two agents needed to work during the night. He stopped in front of Emily's old desk and ran a hand over the solid wood. Her stuff had been cleaned out but no one had had the heart to give someone else the desk, it had sat alone for weeks. He'd find himself pausing by it when he was walking to the briefing room, stopping before he'd remember she wasn't there anymore.

Footsteps fast against the catwalk were what pulled Morgan from his thoughts. He instinctively grabbed for his gun but realized he'd left it back in Garcia's lair when he was trying to relax so he slowly crept forward to see who was in so late at night. After a few moments Anderson emerged from Hotch's office with his arms full of files.

"Anderson?" Morgan asked with a mix agitation and surprise as the young man walked down into the bullpen and toward the exit. Anderson stopped when he heard his name being called and his eyes focused on the other agent. "What are you still doing here?" Morgan questioned.

"Someone asked me to deliver some files to Hotch's desk" Anderson explained then swallowed a yawn. "Then I have to drop off these at the director's office, pick up some files to take to a sick agent tomorrow morning and I can go home" He added with a weak smile.

Morgan smiled back at the tired agent as he began a quick walk to the exit. Emily used to tell him about how much work Anderson had to do, she used to joke he logged more hours at the office than all the team did put together. He never really believed he'd be here at 3 o'clock just to pick up files for a sick agent. The whole BAU unit treated him like crap; Emily was probably the only one who had bothered to find out about him.

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Morgan settled onto the edge of Reid's desk as the first of the early agents arrived for work. The first woman's eyes were sleep filled and she made a beeline for the coffee then shuffled to her desk while yawning heavily. Once she'd taken a few sips of the caffeine filled drink she glanced around and smiled weakly at Morgan before shifting her focus to the pile of paperwork on her desk.

Morgan took another sip of his third cup of coffee then hopped off the desk and began wandering the halls. Despite working at this office for six years he'd never familiarized himself complete with the layout. He'd always been on a case or working through files to care about where he was.

As he turned another corner he was met face to face with Garcia, her makeup smudged and a dreary look on her face. She glided right pass Morgan without any remark which made the man turn and follow her. "How are you feeling?" He asked after he'd been following for a few moments without her noticing.

She mumbled something he couldn't quite make out while keeping her quick walk up until she stopped at a bathroom.

"Are you ill?" He asked while glancing over her ghostly pale skin. "I can drive you back to your apartment if you are, it's not trouble"

"I'm not ill" Garcia stated in a rough voice with a snappy tone. "I just need some time to get ready. Sleeping on a couch isn't all it's cracked up to be" She added then slunk into the bathroom before Morgan could protest.

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Garcia shut the door firmly behind her and let out a breath of relief. She walked toward the mirror then took a step back as she saw just how much of a wreck she looked. Her hair was knotted and roughed up, her makeup smudged, her skin paper white and her eyes looked vacant.

"Come on, girlie" She mumbled to herself while wiping off all the makeup and picking up a comb. It wasn't till her hair was smooth and presentable that she realized which bathroom she'd stumbled upon. Her hand fell to her stomach as a sick feeling rose to her throat, her back pressed against the wall as a scene played out in front of her.

Emily was bent over the sink wiping something off her face as another Garcia walked through the door and began a conversation with the profiler. Both their faces were so animated, so realistic, Garcia could barely pull her eyes away.

The other Garcia's eyes were gleaming as a strange smile played on her lips. "Are you…?" She asked which made the real Garcia panic even more.

"No! Stop it!" She yelled and reached out a hand but the characters continued without a pause.

"Am I what?" Emily asked, her eyes filled with confusion.

"Don't tell her!" Garcia begged as she felt her body growing faint, her legs becoming weak. The scene in front of her was speeding up, the bodies blurring and the lights becoming unbearably bright.

"You have to promise me you won't tell anyone" A distorted voice churned as Garcia's vision failed her.

"Stop, please" Garcia whispered before her memory went blank.

**This chapter has been on my laptop for the last few days but I was so busy studying for my math exam I didn't have any time to update, sorry! I'm still trying to find the balance between Garcia and Morgan and how much I should write for each so tell me if you would like more of either one. Hope you liked the chapter and please review if you've got time!**


	7. do you remember?

Garcia's eyes fluttered open as she reached to shield her them from the bright light. She squinted and slowly sat forward, someone's hand on her back helping her. She pulled herself into a hunched over position, hugging her knees for a few seconds until the wave of nausea passed.

The blonde lifted her head to see Morgan leaning over her with a worried look. She studied her surroundings then realized she was back in her office. "How did I get here?" She croaked and rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

"You passed out in the bathroom; I brought you back here… It's probably not eating proper food for a while that caused it" Morgan explained after sitting down in the swivel chair. He watched her for a few more moments then continued. "You were telling someone to not tell her… Do you remember that?"

Garcia slowly shook her head and roughly rubbed her face. "The last thing I can remember was combing my hair" She lied, now wasn't the time to tell him about what she'd seen and remembered.

"Do you think it might have something to do with the dream? With Emily?" Morgan persisted with desperation tugging at his voice.

"I don't remember" Garcia mumbled and stood, moving toward the door.

"Garcia, please. You must remember something" He called then grabbed her wrist to stop her leaving.

The blonde slowly turned round and glared at the man. "Even if I did remember it's my decision who I tell, not yours" She growled before snatching her arm free and leaving the room.

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Reid took a sip of coffee then placed the plastic cup on the side, he'd had his fair share of crappy coffee but this PD's machine was definitely the worst. Even the five teaspoons of sugar he'd poured into it hadn't helped the bitter taste although it seemed to carry just as much caffeine in the small amount of liquid.

"Have you talked to Garcia recently?" JJ suddenly asked. Reid turned from his spot in front of the maps and Rossi looked up. "She's been acting strange lately, hasn't anyone else noticed?"

"I talked to her this morning and she seemed ok" Reid said with a small shrug.

"I was talking to her yesterday and she sounded like she was half asleep. It took her a while to answer the phone and then she didn't want to talk like she usually does" JJ explained.

"She deals with grief differently than the rest of us" Rossi stated then took a sip of coffee. "She just needs some time to deal with everything before she's ready to talk"

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"We'll be back by in a few hours; you should go home and get some sleep" Hotch instructed through the phone to Garcia. He paused for a moment; his eyes glancing over the sleeping bodies sprawled across the jet, then cleared his throat. "Where's Morgan?"

"He went home a couple of hours ago. I think he had a headache or something" Garcia mumbled in response while getting up off her chair and picking up her bag. "I'm gonna go home now, I'll see you guys tomorrow morning"

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"Garcia, do you-" Morgan began but paused when the blonde brushed past him without looking back. "Garcia?" He repeated before the woman strolled out of the room.

"What was that about?" Reid asked after watching Morgan being ignored, his eyes glancing up at the man with a confused look.

"I don't know…" He mumbled before jogging out of the room and toward the lair. "Hey, Garcia?" Morgan called while catching up with the blonde. "Garcia!" He shouted when he was ignored again.

Garcia paused then growled "I'm not in the mood, Derek" before continuing her walk.

"You can't just ignore me forever" Morgan reminded her while starting his chase with a fast walk again.

"I'm warning you, Morgan. Leave me alone"

"Garcia, I've always been here for you. That's not gonna change just because-" The lair door slamming shut behind Garcia stopped him from saying anything else. "Garcia" Morgan pleaded as he reached the door, a hand resting on the solid wood. "I'm sorry, ok? I'm sorry at snapping at you, I'm sorry for not supporting you and I'm sorry for not listening to you. I just… All I could think was you had been dreaming about her and that maybe it meant something"

Garcia slowly pulled open the door and looked up at Morgan; he didn't look like the strong or confident man she knew anymore. He looked broken and hopeless. "I'm sorry" She whispered in a barely audible voice. "I'm just not ready... I don't know when I will be but I promise you when I am we can talk about this then" She offered then smiled weakly when he nodded and pulled her into a tight hug. "I hate this feeling"

"I know" Morgan mumbled while rubbing her back soothingly and holding his eyes shut to stop them watering.

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"Agent Morgan?" Mr. Foster, Morgan's psychologist, repeated. "Did you hear what I said?"

"I heard I just chose to ignore it" Morgan quipped while sitting up in his chair and glancing round the white room.

"You know why you've been assigned weekly meetings with me don't you, Derek?" Morgan stared out the window without flinching at the man's question so he continued. "You refused to talk to Agent Hotchner. It's obvious you haven't dealt with your grief enough to be out in the field and it's becoming apparent that even office work might be too much"

"I've dealt with my '_grief'_ just fine, thanks" Morgan stated with a sour smile. "Just because it doesn't apply to the checklist pencil pushers have, doesn't mean I haven't"

"Why is it then that all the other field agents have returned to work as normal and yet you are stuck in a cramped little office?" Mr Foster asked, a pleased look returning to his face when the agent didn't answer. "The thing is, Derek, I have the final say on whether you can return to the field… And at the moment, you aren't convincing me you're up to it"

"What would you know about field work? You… You sit here in your cosy office and listen to people spill their hearts out then tick a few boxes and get to go home to your cushy bed. Emily worked her ass off every single day and she _died_ just to protect one kid! _She_ deserved to have a nice home, not you!" Morgan shouted, his eyes blazing fiercely. "She deserved a home and a husband and a little baby but she didn't get any of that because she had to protect people like _you!_ So if you don't think I'm ready for field work then maybe you're right, because I'm tired of seeing good people give everything they've got to the public when they don't even care" Morgan mumbled in a defeated tone.


	8. the stages of grief

There was a deafening silence that descended on the room moments after Morgan's rage that left them both feeling uncomfortable. "Tell me about Emily" Mr. Foster finally instructed. Morgan stayed perfectly still in his chair, the only sign he was alive was the throb of his pulse along his neck. "Agent Morgan? Derek?" The psychologist asked with concern obvious in his face. The bravado he'd used to rile Morgan up evaporated so fast it was almost as if it never existed.

"She had black hair" Morgan finally spoke. "Except it looked dark brown when it hit the light at the right angle. Her eyes sometimes looked hazel but they were usually the color of dark chocolate. She hated Mondays and loved coffee but she always used Splenda instead of sugar because she read in a magazine it would give her a better complexion. She thought her feet were one size to big and that her big toe on her left foot was a little bit pinker than the others. The first time she can remember being on a plane was when she was five and she was sick the whole way so now she prefers window seats" Morgan spoke in a monotone voice never once taking his eye from the window outside.

"Agent Morgan, you can-" Mr. Foster began but was cut off.

"She likes summer more than winter but loves snowball fights. Her favourite flavour of ice cream is double chocolate chip. She loves to cook but is terrible at anything that doesn't come from a packet. Her mom never let her read comics when she was younger so she has a stack of them she likes to flick through at her apartment. She hates every kind of fish but tuna and she prefers showers over baths… She meant everything to me and I'm a mess without her, is that what you want to hear?" Morgan asked with tears pricking at his eyes.

"No" Mr. Foster said softly. "I want to know how I can help you"

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Garcia flopped onto her sofa and sighed. It was three in the morning and she had been lying awake in her bed for hours, praying for sleep. She rubbed the sleep from her makeup free eyes and leant back in the chair, a dark cat slinking onto her lap as she did so. "Hey, Serg. You missing Emily too?" She asked softly then shook her head and smiled wryly. "Things must be getting bad if I'm talking to a cat" She mumbled and rubbed the top of Sergio's head.

"Em would have wanted me to tell him, right?" Garcia asked, doubt clear in her voice. "We never talked about stuff like that… We never thought we'd have to tell each other who to tell and who not to if we were killed and pregnant with someone's child… it's not something you think about" She added hopelessly. "I know if Morgan had the choice he'd _want_ to know… but it would rip him apart… He can barely deal with thinking he couldn't save Emily… Knowing his baby died too would finish him"

Sergio curled up on Garcia's lap, looking up at her with glowing yellow eyes that seemed to echo concern. "Morgan needs to know about the baby… I can't keep it from him" Garcia said with an edge of certainty. "But when do I tell him? Tomorrow? He's still grieving for Emily! It's never going to be the right time to tell him… but I'm still going to have to for his sake" Garcia explained with a troubled look. "I just don't know whether to wait until he's over Emily to tell him about the baby or to let him deal with his grief all at once…" She finally sighed then stood and left for her bedroom, her thoughts still conflicting.

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"You were in a romantic relationship with Emily, weren't you?" Mr. Foster asked after studying Morgan for a few moments.

"Is it that obvious?" Morgan huffed while sitting forward. Mr. Foster said nothing so he spoke again in a gruff voice. "Yes, I was… You don't joke much do you?"

"Have you ever heard the expression 'doctors make the worst patients'?" The psychologist questioned, ignoring Morgan's laughable attitude. The muscular man shrugged and sat back in his chair, fiddling with his hands slightly. "The idea of it could apply to many people. For example, a builder would be unlikely to hire a carpenter to do work on his house because he believes he can do it better. When you are in a profession, Agent Morgan, you can be tricked into believing that anyone in surrounding professions can't be as good as you"

"Look, if you think I undermined you then I'm sorry, ok? But I've trained in profiling and been out in the field where my life _depends_ on getting it right so I think I might know just a little bit more about body language and behaviour than you" Morgan replied in a snappy voice and a sour smile.

"You haven't stopped fidgeting since you've sat down. You've readjusted yourself in the chair at least six times and you occasionally scratch at your wrist. By a faint tan line I'm guessing you used to have some form of jewellery there, a watch maybe?" Mr. Foster paused to enjoy Morgan's expression for a moment then continued. "I've never seen you where anything on that hand so maybe you took it off for a reason. What reason could someone have for taking off a watch they've worn long enough to leave a tan line? Maybe something traumatic that happened that linked to the watch, a stressor perhaps"

"Alright, I get your point" Morgan grumbled but it didn't stop the psychologist.

"You seem to skirt round the idea of Emily and when you do talk about her you get angry. I'm sure you're aware of the five stages of grief, right Derek?" Mr. Foster asked but didn't pause long enough for the answer. "Denial, bargaining, depression, anger, and acceptance" The man listed off. Morgan gave a single, sullen nod; he knew where this was going. "I haven't seen you from the beginning but it seems like you've skipped straight to anger. Which makes me think you're hiding something… You feel guilty about her death don't you?"

Morgan kicked himself for flinching at the word death and told himself to pull it together. "She died in my arms, what do you think?" He said with a snap in his voice.

"But even in that sentence you aren't admitting it. My guess is you blame yourself completely. It probably keeps you up at night. 'What if I'd done this or that? Could I have prevented it?' But you can't even allow yourself to admit to the feelings which make them even worse… Or maybe that's what you're trying to do. You're trying to make yourself suffer, is that it?"

"Just leave it" Morgan growled. "It's none of your business"

"But it is, Derek" Mr. Foster stated with a twinkle of concern in his eyes. "You wanna know what I think? I think you're depressed about Emily dying. I think you smashed the idea of denying what happened to you because you thought you didn't deserve to let yourself off the hook. You've given up trying to bargain your way out because you don't think you should have anything good in your life anymore. You're using the only response you'll let yourself have; anger. What I'm trying to tell you, Agent Morgan, is that you're allowed to grieve for Emily. You're allowed to deny what's happened and you're allowed to feel depressed. This wasn't your fault" The psychologist said, every word filled with emotion.

Morgan smiled but his eyes were watery, it was like he was trying to convince himself he was happy. He thought for a few moments then looked up at the psychologist and simply whispered "I wish that was true"


	9. the truth

Morgan held the crumpled piece of paper tightly in his hand. In front of him Emily's grave lay, bouquets of flowers almost covering her name. "I know why he told me to write it down before I got here" He began, referring to his psychologist. "If I didn't have this with me" He said and motioned toward the paper. "I wouldn't know where to start…" His voice drifted away in the wind, his mind losing track before he cleared his throat to drag himself back.

He lifted up the paper, so he could read his clumsy writing, then continued. "I always told myself I never wanted to settle down. Even as a kid I didn't want to commit to one relationship… because when you commit you get hurt… But with you I would have done anything... I would have bought you a ring and I would have given you children… I would have _wanted_ to do those things… I've never felt that way before and… and I don't think I ever will again"

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Rossi sat down on Hotch's office sofa and sipped at his glass of whiskey. "He's taking it bad" The Italian stated. "I tried calling him to talk but it just went to voicemail"

"I've seen him going round to Emily's old apartment. He stays there for hours at a time but comes back without anything" Hotch said in a quiet voice while running a hand over his own glass. "He's seeing a shrink now… The guy says he's making progress but he still hasn't asked to come back on a case with us"

Rossi half smiled and finished his drink. "Do you think this is it then?" Hotch glanced up with a confused look so Rossi explained. "We all have our breaking point, Aaron. If Emily was Morgan's then he might not ever take back his job"

"I'm not worried about getting him back here, Dave. I'm worried about not getting him back at all"

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Garcia sat up in a cold sweat, her bed sheets strewn across the floor and an aching in the pit of her stomach. Her mind was twisting with thoughts of the nightmare. Emily's image tore through her mind, distorted and more terrifying each time she saw it.

"Stop!" She begged, her fingers clawing at her temples. She threw her legs off the bed and almost ran to the bathroom, throwing open the door and turning the faucet on with such force the water splashed up at her.

She dragged handfuls of water up to her face and attempted to scrub away the memories. The freezing cold liquid coated her in a sticky glaze as it mixed with the sweat. Then the wave of nausea hit her. The blonde only had enough time to throw back the toilet lid before the waste escaped her lips.

A few minutes later she slumped onto the floor, tears pricking at her eyes. Emily had been calling to her, begging Garcia to help her. She took a few moments to steady her breathing then dragged herself up to the sink, slowed the flow of water and dabbed some of it on her face. She reached for a hand towel a few feet away and gently patted the beads of water away.

She needed to tell him. If she waited any longer the stress was going to tear her body apart. She'd given herself two months to make the choice and she had finally done it. Her mind already regretting the decision, she left the bathroom and picked up her cell phone on the kitchen table. She only needed to press one button and her fate would be sealed. No matter how much Garcia would try to explain he wouldn't understand, he'd push her away and she would have lost both of her friends. But nothing could be worse than lying to Morgan, not even losing him.

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Morgan stirred from a restless sleep, his eyes searching for the time on his alarm clock before he gave a look of confusion. The only time he'd get called at three in the morning was for a case and he'd yet to be asked to return to field work… So who could be calling him?

He threw his body off the bed and snatched the phone off its hook. Garcia? It was definitely strange for her to call him at this time of night. "Penelope, is everything alright?" He asked in a panicked voice, Emily's death proved no one was indestructible and he couldn't lose her too.

"I need you to come round" She quietly spoke, her voice shaky with fear.

"Garcia, is someone with you? Is someone there?" He asked urgently.

"No… I… I'm ready to talk about Emily" She whispered, a hand on her chest to steady her breathing.

"Alright, I'll be over soon" He rushed then hung up the phone and ran to his wardrobe, pulled out a pair of pants and hurriedly pulled them on. Garcia wasn't one to seek out help late at night if she didn't need it right at that moment.

A few minutes later he was hopping into his car, starting the engine and racing down the empty streets to the blonde's apartment a few blocks from his own. He didn't bother to park the car; he simply pulled up at the curb and locked it on his way to the door.

"It's Morgan" He puffed into the intercom, a moment later there was a buzzing noise and the door unlocked. He ran up the three flights of steps and turned down the corridor toward the apartment doors, skidding to a halt in front of the right entrance. He harshly wrapped on the wood and it was quickly opened by a flushed Garcia.

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Garcia had meant to cry, it was only when she saw his tired face outside her apartment that she broke down, salty streams trailing down her cheeks. She was quickly pulled into a tight hug, a strong hand rubbing her back soothingly. A lump in her throat stopped words escaping the blonde's mouth no matter how hard she tried.

Morgan softly hushed the woman's choked crying, her tears soaking through his t- shirt and onto his warm skin. "It's ok" He whispered into her head before leading her into the apartment and settling her onto the sofa. "What happened?" He asked gently.

Garcia took a deep breath and wiped a stray tear away. "I had another dream" She began, her voice crackling slightly. "She was asking me to help her" She added and burst into tears again. Morgan placed a steady hand on her arm to help her focus; he often had to do it when she had a panic attack so this was almost familiar to him. "I- I tried but… I couldn't get to them" She added with her body racking with tears.

Morgan's face contorted into puzzlement again. He waited for the crying to subside before he voiced his confusion. "What do you mean 'them'?"

Garcia bit her lip then whispered her answer in a rough voice. "She… She was pregnant"

**The secret is **_**finally**_** out! How do you think Morgan is going to react? I'm interested in what you think! I've been working out how the rough guide for the next few chapters and Emily will definitely be coming back. How soon that will be I'm not entirely sure but it could be only two or three chapters away. Please review if you've got time, it means so much! **


	10. i'm sorry

Morgan's breath caught in his throat and his chest tightened. "You mean in the dream" He said in a thick, gravelly voice.

Garcia's eyes began to water again and when she shook her head to tell him no, multiple teas escaped from her cheeks. "Before she… left… She was pregnant" She explained in a stuttering voice, gasping for air every few words.

Morgan's eyes weren't on the blonde anymore. They'd fallen to his hands and had remained there, his mind working slowly. "She couldn't have been" He mumbled, a tear trailing down his cheek.

"I'm sorry" Garcia said in a raspy voice. "I tried to tell you" She added in a pleading way as Morgan jumped up from his seat and began a fast walk to the door. "I didn't know how, I just thought you needed time"

"No!" Morgan yelled after spinning round, his eyes blazing with fury. "You _lied_ to me because you were scared!"

"Derek, you don't understand" Garcia began and reached for the man's arm.

When Morgan felt her touch him he wasn't sure what happened, he supposed he just snapped. His fist clenched closed and he shoved her backwards, knocking her onto the floor before he grabbed her wrist and squeezed it as hard as he could. "That was my child! You had no right to keep that from me!" He shouted, the tears had evaporated from his face and were replaced by pure rage. He could see her face twisted in pain and for a moment he was pleased with himself. It took him a few moments to register what was happening but when he did he flung Garcia's hand back at her and stormed out of the room, new tears pouring down his face.

Garcia lay on the floor for a few moments, not breathing or even thinking, just listening to his footsteps fading away. Once she heard him step out onto the quiet street and slam the door she pulled her legs to her chest and began sobbing. She wasn't sure how long she'd been there when someone touched her arm.

"Penelope?" A frail voice questioned as she softly rubbed her forearm. "Penelope, can you hear me?" The voice asked but got no reply. Garcia was too exhausted by this point to even recognise the voice, let alone reply to it.

The woman's soft touch left her arm as she searched the apartment. She found one of Garcia's cell phones lying discarded on the sofa so quickly picked it up and searched through the contacts. Who should she call? She sped through the numbers then picked one at random and pushed the phone to her ear.

"Hello?"She began in an unsure voice. "Yes, I am Penelope's neighbour. I need you to come round right away, something's happened"

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Morgan stomped into his apartment, slammed the door shut and let out a thundering yell. He slid everything off the coffee table then laid a swift kick on its side so it toppled over. He grabbed the coffee cup off his kitchen counter and threw it at the wall, an ear piercing shatter filling the room. Next he threw the sofa onto its front and smashed a lamp, which would have left him in total darkness had the moonlight not been pooling through the window. Finally he kicked and punched the wall until his knuckles were bleeding and he ached all over.

He slumped against the wall and let his body slide to the floor, fresh tears springing from his eyes. He feebly kicked out as his eyes fluttered shut and a few final tears escape before he fell asleep.

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Lillian Jones, Garcia's elderly neighbour, glanced over at the petit blonde that was gently rubbing the tech analyst's back. "I didn't know who to call" She explained in a soft voice after taking a sip of tea she'd made. "The man just stormed out of here, woke half the apartment block up too… Will she be okay?"

JJ brushed a few strands out of Garcia's sleepy face and nodded. "She's a little shaken up but she'll be fine" She replied and patted the woman's back. "I'm going to stay here for the rest of the night. You should go back to your apartment and try to get some rest; we might need you to give a witness statement tomorrow" She instructed. A few moments later Lillian had left the apartment and carefully closed the door behind them. "Pen, do you want to sleep on the sofa or in your bed?"

A soft mumble in reply told JJ she wanted to sleep where she was so the woman tugged a blanket off the top of the chair and draped it over Garcia. "I'm going to leave the lamp on, alright?" She said softly while turning the overhead light off and switching the lamp in the corner of the room on. "I'm gonna be right on that chair all night, okay? Do you need anything before you go to sleep?"

Garcia gently shook her head and put on a brave smile but tears were pooling in her eyes. She waited a moment then whispered something so quietly it was inaudible.

"What was that?" JJ asked and stooped down to her side to comfort her.

Garcia swallowed the lump in her throat then whispered "It was Morgan"

JJ's face scrunched in confusion, had she really heard her right? She must just be shaken up and confused, the blonde told herself. Morgan would never do anything like that. "Do you mean you want me to call Morgan?" She offered while reaching for her phone.

Garcia violently shook her head; her hands were trembling as she backed herself into the sofa. "Please don't call him" She begged in a tiny voice. "He can't be here. He-he's mad at me"

JJ's expression softened even more as she slowly reached out a hand and held the tech's. "Don't worry, I won't call him" She rushed to reassure the woman. "Why's he mad at you?" She questioned with a voice full of concern.

Garcia tried to reply, her lips moved but no sound came out. She swallowed the lump in her throat and tried again. "I can't tell you… you'll be mad too. I… I don't want people to be mad at me anymore" She whispered before bursting into tears again.

**Sorry for the huge break in updates! My laptop cracked open and I had to take it back to the repair store, I didn't even have a chance to save anything to a memory stick. Thankfully, I had an awesome guy work really hard on my laptop so it was back with ten days of me giving it to him. So Garcia has finally plucked up the courage to tell Morgan and it looks like he didn't have such a warm reception of it, huh? Please review if you've got time, the updates will be back to normal from now on so expect something for Thursday :)**


	11. consequences

Morgan's eyes slowly opened, at first the sight of the destroyed furniture surprised him but then the memories came flooding back. He let out a groan when he remembered what he'd done the night before to Garcia. He slammed his head on the back of the wall and clenched his fists closed, what the hell had he been thinking? Sure, he was hurt but it wasn't her fault.

He slowly got to his feet, brushed stray bits of glass and dirt of his body and stretched. He carefully turned the sofa and table right side up, swept up the broken materials then picked up a duffel bag and carried it to his car. With the bag in the back he sped across town to Garcia's apartment.

After locking the car Morgan strode into the apartment block, glancing round before stopping by the right door and knocking. A short while later the door cautiously opened and JJ's face came into view. "Hey JJ, I-" Morgan was cut short when the blonde stepped forward and shut the door behind her.

"What the hell happened last night?" JJ growled with a vicious glint in her eye.

"W-What? Nothing, I just-"

"You just what? Attacked her?"

"What? No! We were talking about something and-"

"And you didn't like where it was going so you hit her? I get you're hurting Morgan but this has to stop"

"No! You don't have any _idea_ what's been happening" Morgan snapped. "Now you're gonna let me in right now!"

"You're not getting anywhere near her again! You're lucky I haven't told Hotch about this" JJ snarled.

"It was a misunderstanding!" He shouted.

Garcia could hear the argument from inside the apartment, Morgan was showing no sign of leaving and JJ wasn't going to back down. The blonde slowly got to her feet, despite the protests of her neighbour, and moved to the door. She carefully opened the door and smiled weakly at the other woman's surprised face. "I can handle this" She said in a soft voice. JJ thought about slamming the door and keeping Morgan out of the apartment but she knew she couldn't do that forever so went back inside the apartment and waited for her.

"Penelope, I'm sorry. I don't know what happened I just-"

"Stop" Garcia sighed and rubbed her head like it was aching.

"I'm sorry" Morgan tried again, his voice sounding hopeless.

"If you were sorry you wouldn't have done it in the first place" Garcia mumbled. The man glanced down at her wrist and saw a black and blue bruise wrapped around it. "I'm going to tell Hotch that I got mugged but didn't see the guy" She added, Morgan letting out a relieved breath when he heard this. "I don't want you to come here again. I don't want you to call or text. I don't want you to come in to my office at work. If you need me to do something, get someone else to ask"

"Penelope, I'm sorry, okay? You don't need to do this"

"Don't call me that" Garcia growled while rubbing a hand over her injured wrist.

"What?"

"You lost your right to call me anything but Garcia when you hurt me" Morgan opened his mouth to protest but Garcia didn't give him long enough. "I want you to leave now" When the man failed to budge she took a different approach. "If you don't I'll call Hotch and tell him exactly what happened" Garcia couldn't bear to look at him when she said that so her eyes were fixed on the floor. "Please" She whispered when he still didn't move.

Morgan watched her for a few more moments then sighed and walked away, trying hard not to slam the door as he left the apartment block.

Garcia took a deep breath then slowly closed the door and sat back down, Lillian already rushing over with a fresh bowl of chicken soup and a blanket. "I'll get you an appointment at the doctor's office" She murmured while laying the blanket over the woman and handing her the bowl.

"It's just a bruise, Lily, I'll be fine" Garcia mumbled before taking a sip of the soup, she knew she'd be spoon fed if she didn't eat something soon.

"You might have broken your wrist!" Lillian reminded her as she started tidying up the small apartment.

"It's not broken" She grumbled softly. "It's just sore"

JJ watched the tech analyst for a few moments then cleared her throat. "It might be best if Garcia has some time to rest" She explained in the nicest way she could.

Lillian took a few moments to catch on then diligently nodded and strode toward the door. "I'll be back in a couple of hours to fix her some lunch. Just knock if you need anything" She said before exiting the room.

JJ waited a few moments then pulled a chair opposite to Garcia and sat down. "You need to tell me what happened last night"

"I can't" Garcia mumbled, tears already threatening her eyes.

"I'm not going to be mad at you, okay?" She said softly, reaching out to hold one of Garcia's hands. "I just need you to tell me so I can help you"

Garcia swallowed and took a deep breath. "It's about Emily" She began in a whisper. "She told me something… before she left… I wasn't supposed to tell anyone. I thought I could keep it a secret but I couldn't… not after she-" She stopped herself saying anymore when her voice broke and tears spilled from her eyes.

"It's alright" JJ soothed while rubbing the woman's hand softly.

"Last night…I couldn't do it anymore. Morgan came round and I told him" She explained while tears streamed down her face.

"What did you tell him?"

Garcia sucked in a deep breath and tried to stop crying. After a few moments she continued. "Emily… She was pregnant"

JJ sat in silence for a few moments, willing the tears not to escape her eyes despite knowing Emily was fine. What if she'd lost the baby? After everything Emily had been through how could she cope with that? "How long have you known?" She finally asked in a hoarse voice.

"Seven weeks" Garcia murmured and roughly pushed a tear off her makeup free face. "I didn't know what to do… She told me not to tell anyone so I thought once she… d-died I shouldn't hurt him more than he already w-was" She added as more tears slipped down her cheeks. JJ sat in stunned silence which only made Garcia feel worse. As she stood to leave she was pulled into a tight hug. After a few seconds of the initial shock she rested her head on JJ's shoulder. "I'm sorry" She whispered into the warm fabric. I didn't mean for this to happen"

"It's alright" JJ gently soothed her friend, rubbing and patting the woman's back to try to calm her down and soothe her. "Everything's gonna be alright, I promise"


	12. this isn't your fault

Morgan yanked the duffel bag out of his car, slammed the boot and stalked off toward the rundown house in front of him. He let the door hang open as he stomped inside, unzipped the bag and pulled a sledgehammer out of it. He turned into the third room he came to and moved toward the furthest door.

With one swift movement Morgan buried the hammer deep inside the wall before yanking it out. The next ten minutes he spent pummelling the wall till a thick layer of plastered dust hung over the room and his clothes. He punched a hole in the crumbling wall then slid to the floor, admitting defeat. He didn't deserve Emily, their baby or Garcia. He didn't deserve anyone.

xxxxxxxxxx

Garcia ran a hand through her hair; JJ and Lillian were busy in the kitchen fixing her lunch so she was alone in her quiet living room. Her wrist was aching more than ever but she knew she couldn't ask for a painkiller without worrying her friends. She couldn't help think she'd been too hard on Morgan. He'd hurt her and she was definitely mad at him for that but he didn't deserve to be completely cut out.

Her thoughts were interrupted when Lillian glided into the room with a bowl containing her lunch. "Chicken, beef and sweet potato soup" She stated while handing the bowl over with a warm smile. "They help to heal injuries"

JJ leant against the kitchen door frame and smiled softly as Garcia slowly started on her meal. Lillian watched the tech analyst for a few moments then nodded and made for the door. "I'll be back tonight to fix you some dinner, just knock if you need anything" She called before closing the door.

Garcia feebly pushed round the soup in her bowl and sighed slightly as JJ sat down on an armchair. "If it helps, I think you handled the situation with Morgan well" JJ said softly. "You made him listen to you when I couldn't"

"He only listened because I told him I'd tell Hotch if he didn't" Garcia admitted as she put her bowl down on the coffee table.

"But you still stood up to him" JJ stated. "After everything that happened with Emily, I wouldn't have blamed you for staying locked up in your bedroom… but you didn't. You put on a brave face for Lily and didn't once mention your wrist was hurting"

Garcia bit her lip and sat back in the sofa, gently running a hand over the deep blue bruise. "I don't understand why you're still being so nice to me" She mumbled as tears pooled in her eyes. "I lied to you"

JJ's breath caught in her throat, it wasn't Garcia lying; it was her. "Penelope, none of this is your fault. When Emily told you about the baby she didn't know any of this would happen. No one is blaming you"

"But what about Morg-" Garcia began desperately.

"Morgan will get over this" JJ interrupted with a stern look. "It's going to take time, but eventually he'll understand"

xxxxxxxxxx

Morgan strode into the office- like building, his eyes sweeping his surroundings as he approached the reception desk. "I need to talk to Mr. Foster" He stated while glancing round.

"Do you have an appointment?" The female receptionist questioned, her fingers poised on the keyboard.

"No, but I need to see him right away. It's urgent"

The woman eyed him suspiciously then picked up the phone next to her and hit one the buttons. "Hi, Robert" She greeted brightly. "There's a man in reception wanting to see you, he says it's urgent" She paused to hear the man's response then covered the speaker with one hand. "What's your name?"

"Derek Morgan"

"Yes, its Derek" She responded, listened for a few seconds then put the phone down. "He's in room six; would you like someone to take you there?"

"No, I can find it" He murmured while setting off down the corridor, his eyes scanning the numbers until he stopped outside one labelled 'six'. He took a deep breath then entered the room and quickly sat down opposite Mr. Foster.

The psychologist watched Morgan for a few moments then cleared his throat and sat back in his chair. "What happened?" He finally asked.

"Garcia told me something last night" Morgan sighed and roughly rubbed his face. "And… I got angry… I hurt her"

Mr. Foster's appearance remained the same but in his head he was speeding through what might have happened. "How badly did you hurt her?" He asked in a cautious voice.

"I pushed her and grabbed her wrist… I didn't know what I was doing, I just… I was angry" He explained in a rough voice as tears built up behind his eyes. "I didn't mean to hurt her"

"I'm sure you didn't" Mr. Foster assured him, safe in the knowledge the woman wasn't too badly hurt. "What did Garcia tell you that made you angry?" Morgan paused and twisted his hands together. "It's ok, Derek. Take your time" He added when Morgan hadn't said anything.

Morgan ran a hand over the back of his head and sat forward slightly. "Emily was pregnant" He said in a barely audible voice.

Mr. Foster studied the man for a few seconds then slowly nodded and released a breath. "I understand the news must be difficult for you but you can't blame yourself for this"

"That was my baby" Morgan whispered. "Mine and Emily's baby and I never even got to see him"

"There was nothing you could have done, Derek. This isn't your fault"

"But that was my baby" He said as a tear escaped his eye. "My beautiful little baby and I can't see him or hold him… I don't even have Emily anymore! That was my family and they're gone"

Morgan stared at the floor in shock for a few moments then stood and made for the door. "Derek, you don't need to leave yet, we can talk about this!" Foster called as Morgan quickly walked back down the corridor.

Morgan glanced back then yanked the exit open and stepped outside. "I've got to be somewhere!"


	13. back to Garcia's

Morgan quickly pulled his car onto the curb, jumped out and jogged inside the apartment building. He roughly banged on the door then took a deep breath and prepared himself. JJ peered through the peep hole for a moment then called through the gap "I'm not opening the door, Morgan"

"Come on, JJ!" Morgan called back, his palming resting on the smooth wood. "I need to talk to Garcia!"

"Go home, Morgan" JJ commanded through the door, keeping one eye on Garcia who was feebly pushing round the remnants of her lunch. "She doesn't want to talk to you"

"Look, I'm sorry, alright? Please, just… Just let me talk to her" He begged.

JJ thought for a moment then slowly slide open the door, a chain lock only allowing an opening an inch wide. "I'm giving you one chance here. You screw this up and I swear-"

"I won't, I promise" Morgan said with an earnest expression.

JJ watched him for a moment longer then unlocked the door and allowed him inside. Garcia had put her bowl on the table when JJ had opened the door and was now sitting on the edge of her seat with a nervous expression. As Morgan sat down opposite her she gave an awkward half smile and stared down at her hands.

"Do your wrists still hurt?" Morgan asked in a soft voice, his eyes fixed on the dark blue bruises.

"Just a little" Garcia replied in a hoarse voice, the sound of JJ getting to work in the kitchen comforting her in a strange way. "I… I didn't mean what I said early… I was just angry"

"You were right to be mad… I shouldn't have hurt you like that" Morgan mumbled. "I just don't understand why you didn't tell me earlier"

"For a while I didn't know if it was you… Then I talked to Rossi and I guess I was scared of your reaction"

Morgan half smiled and shifted in his seat slightly. "Did she… tell you anything about the baby?"

"No… I practically had to force her to admit she was pregnant" Garcia recalled, smiling softly at the memory. "She was going to tell you first. That's why she didn't want me telling anyone else, she wanted you to hear it from her" She added.

"I know the team used to joke about me not being the settling down type… but I would have for her. I'd have done it in a heartbeat" He explained, his fond smile fading slightly.

Garcia watched his mind drift off and decided she needed to do something. "Sometimes it helps to think about what the baby might have been like… It sounds strange but… it used to help me get to sleep"

Morgan knew thinking about his little baby would hurt like hell but there was something in what Garcia had said that made him believe it might help. He thought for a moment about the little baby and the image of him came to his mind almost immediately. Tight curls nestled round his head, caramel skin, chocolaty brown eyes… he was beautiful. And holding him was the most beautiful woman in the world; Emily.

"When I think about the baby, I always picture him as a little boy with tiny curls" Morgan said in a gentle voice.

Garcia smiled softly and squeezed the man's hand. "And he would have had big brown eyes like his mom and wrapped the whole team round his little finger"

"I would have played football and soccer with him as soon as he could get to his feet" Morgan added with a small smirk. "And there'd be paintings he made with Emily all around my office"

"He'd have loved Henry and Jack… Reid would have loved having another kid to play magic tricks with and be an uncle to"

Morgan's smile was now bigger than ever but after a few moments it started to slip again and they fell into silence. "I would have loved him, you know?" He finally said in a voice just above a whisper. "I would have loved him and Emily more than anything in the world"

Garcia squeezed his hand tightly with both of hers. "She loved you too, Derek. More than anything or anyone else, it was always you"

xxxxxxxxxx

JJ carefully dried the last coffee cup, placed it in the right cupboard and looked round the now clean kitchen. A quiet conversation had been going on in the living room for thirty minutes and she was secretly very proud of how well Morgan and Garcia had been together. She spent a few minutes straightening and moving small objects in the kitchen to stall for time but she knew it couldn't last.

As the blonde entered the living room she caught the pair smiling about something, wisps of a laugh escaping from both of them. "Lily's going to be here soon" JJ stated when the duo noticed her presence.

Morgan waited for a moment then regretfully stood and turned to JJ. "I'll be round tomorrow, if that's alright with you and Garcia"

JJ smiled softly and nodded. "Hotch isn't expecting any of us back till Monday after the 'mugging' so drop round whenever" JJ instructed as Morgan opened the door and took a step out of the apartment. "Thank you" She added in a quiet voice which made Morgan smile before he nodded and left the apartment block.

JJ closed the door only for it to be opened a minute later by Lillian. "That gentleman that just came out of here… Was he the man from before?" She asked with suspicion as she eyed JJ.

Garcia smiled with amusement then stood and guided Lillian to the kitchen with JJ close behind. "That's Derek, Lily. You remember me telling you about him, don't you?"

"Well, of course" Lillian replied as she began work on fixing dinner for the trio. "I just never thought he'd hurt you by the way you described him"

Garcia thought for a moment on how best to word her explanation, one of her hands subconsciously tracing the lines of her bruised left wrist. "He's exactly how I described him, Lily: funny and caring and everything else. He lost Emily and his baby… but underneath all the pain and anger he's going through, it's still him"

**Sorry it took me a little longer to update this time! I was SO behind on so much coursework I spent most of the last three days doing nothing but studying, writing and revising it all. I managed to catch up with all my childcare and English literature stuff so I decided to work on this. Hope you liked the chapter; please review if you've got time!**


	14. cooking at Rossi's

Morgan strolled into the bullpen, placed his ID badge back on his belt and took a sip of coffee. There was a peaceful hum around the room, a few people were milling round the bullpen, Rossi and Hotch were in their offices and Reid was working quietly at his desk.

As Morgan sat down and flipped open one of the files Reid placed his pen on his desk and spun his chair to see him. "Did you see Garcia over the weekend?" He asked with concern.

Morgan nodded as his eyes glided through the writing. When Reid didn't seem satisfied with that answer he turned round to see if something was wrong.

"Did she tell you about the mugging?"

"Yeah… She isn't going to press charges because she didn't see his face and he didn't manage to take anything" Morgan replied in a calm voice. Reid still didn't seem satisfied with this answer. "She's fine, Reid. She's coming in today and you'll be able to see for yourself that it's just a few bruises"

Reid nodded and awkwardly smiled in relief. "I was just worried JJ might have said it wasn't as bad as it was to make me feel better" He explained before turning back to his work.

Ten minutes later Garcia was standing by the glass doors leading into the bullpen nervously watching what was going on inside. She'd checked in with JJ a few minutes before and said she was fine but now she wasn't so sure.

She was contemplating going back down to JJ's office and hiding in there for the rest of the day when Anderson pulled open the door and smiled at her, holding it open like he always did for passersby. Garcia hesitated a moment then mumbled a thank you and went inside.

Morgan noticed her almost immediately and gave his warmest smile. Next to notice was Reid who awkwardly waved and half smiled at her. After a few minutes talking to them the tension had disappeared and the day proceeded as the first of many normal days since Emily had left.

xxxxxxxxxx

Morgan cut the engine of his car, glanced over to the empty front passenger seat then got out of the vehicle, a small bunch of flowers clutched in one hand. The walk was short to the grave but it felt like an eternity to him, every step felt impossibly hard, every second that passed felt like a year.

When he arrived at the grave he placed the perfectly white flowers on the headstone and took a step back. He paused for a moment then took a deep breath and began.

"It's been six months and… I think I'm getting better. I still think about you a lot but I guess that's normal. I don't have to see Foster anymore and I've been out in the field for three cases… I just can't get my head round not seeing you again. There's still this moment when I wake up that I forget about it all…" Morgan paused as he felt a lump in his throat starting to form. "After everything that's happened, I know there won't ever someone else… There's never going to be someone who made me feel like you did. And… that's alright. I don't want to settle after having you… I know I'll never be happy that way"

xxxxxxxxxx

Morgan pulled into Rossi's driveway, took a deep breath then glanced over to the front passenger seat where Garcia was sitting with a nervous smile. As he reached to undo his seatbelt the woman's hand wrapped round his and gave him a reassuring smile. "Are you sure you're ready for this?"

"I've got to do this, Penelope" He stated softly. "Emily would want me spending time with family, not by myself"

"You're right" She murmured then gently released his hand and got out of the car. Morgan got out a few seconds later and the duo slowly made their way to the house.

Rossi opened the door a few moments after Garcia had knocked and smiled softly. "It's good to see you" He greeted in a genuine voice as he guided them into the kitchen where all the other team members were gathered.

Once everyone was settled round the island counter with glasses of wine Rossi decided it would be him to take the lead. He ran a finger round the bottom of the glass for a few moments to compose his thoughts then cleared his throat and the room fell silent. "It's been a hard year" He began in a gentle voice, his eyes gliding over each person. "And an especially hard six months… We all know when things become this hard it's easy to isolate yourself. But what's important is to remember that the first few months were the hardest and that things do get better"

Rossi paused for a moment to observe the disheartened team and realized he needed to take a different approach for this occasion. "Morgan is back on cases with the team, Garcia was given a grant for all new computer equipment, Jack and Henry's birthdays are coming up and Reid got a new BA in philosophy" He reminded the group which made them smile slightly. "We all know how difficult it is to lose someone but we're doing what Emily would have wanted us to do, we're moving on"

A few murmurs spread through the group before Rossi lifted up his wine glass, quickly joined by all the others. They toasted to Emily and took deep sips from the sweet alcohol, smiles and wisps of laughter escaping as the event took on a lighter feeling.

Half an hour later the group were gathered round the table, throwing bits of food at each other as Rossi attempted to teach them the miracles of Italian food. "That's it, the food goes in the bowl" He explained while guiding Garcia's hands back to the glass container just in time to stop her throwing a string of spaghetti at Morgan.

"Now, mix the pesto with the _pasta_" He said as Morgan smeared a heavy helping of the green gunk onto JJ's arm and Garcia's cheek.

"Alright, it's on!" JJ called as she grabbed a spoon of pesto and aimed it at Morgan and Reid, Garcia joining her side as it became a match of boys against girls.

"That all you got?" Morgan hollered as he narrowly dodged a blob of pesto then fired more spaghetti at the girls.

Hotch joined Rossi's side and smiled at the profilers fighting like children. "Cooking might not have been the best idea" He muttered to the older man who was watching the game over the brim of his wine glass.

"It would have been fine if they could act like adults for more than a few minutes" He grumbled despite the small smile in the corner of his mouth. "Let's leave it to them before we end up involved… Besides, I think we both need something a little stronger than wine"

**So a bit of a fluffy ending but I think it's worth it seeing as… Emily's coming back VERY soon! Which means: DEMILY! I'm so excited to be able to write my first bit of actual romance between them and can't wait to hear what you guys think about it but for now this'll have to do. I hope you liked the chapter and are looking forward to Emily's return! Please review if you've got time!**


	15. a face from the past

Growing up, Emily never knew the appeal of a home. She lived in plenty of countries and had lots of different houses to live… but never a real home. So when she found the BAU it was more than just finding a family, it was finding a place to call home too.

Being separated from both was more than painful; it was like her heart was being pulled apart. Every time she stitched the pieces that had fallen away back together they were torn off again, giving her a strange ache in the pit of her stomach.

If you asked her to, she wouldn't be able to explain the feelings that ran through her when it was late at night. The overwhelming sensation that something just wasn't right, the need to be close to her unconventional family again, they weren't feelings you could sum up without being swallowed up in them.

Getting that phone call, it wasn't how she had thought it would be. There was no rush of relief or love or forgiveness. She was going to see her family again, she should have been happy. But instead she felt like there was still someone lurking in the shadows waiting for her... and her family.

To rid herself of the strange feeling she splashed cool water over her face and attempted to scrub away the doubt. When she felt slightly better she dabbed her face dry and made her back into the hotel room.

She stuffed a few items of clothing into her suitcase, straightened out the bed then glanced round the simple room that had been her living space for the last two months. It had taken less time than that to feel at home with the team but she'd never felt any attachment to this hotel room or any other she'd used while in hiding despite them being her shelter from Ian Doyle.

With a sigh she shut the door on her memories and carried the battered suitcase toward the elevator.

Within the hour she was waiting in a private room of the airport. Anxiety had tightened round her body with every second she'd spent waiting for the jet that would be taking her home on a specially organized service. Thinking of Strauss agreeing to this was more than enough to bring a small smile to her lips.

"Emily Prentiss?" A middle aged man questioned once the door of the room was securely shut.

"That's me" Emily responded as brightly as she could and stood to follow the man.

"Right this way" He said, let out a small grunt as he picked up the suitcase and led the woman down three long corridors which customers very rarely saw. When they arrived at the private boarding area the man smiled for the first time and explained a few simple plane procedures then took Emily to the jet's door. "Have a nice flight, Miss Prentiss"

Emily nodded and smiled back but she still had an uneasy feeling resting in her stomach. She let a steward take her luggage then settled herself down by a window seat and took deep breaths to calm herself.

"Is everything alright, Miss Prentiss?" A young blonde woman asked in a concerned voice.

Emily's eyes flung open in a moment of panic then relaxed when she knew it was just a stewardess. "Yes, I'm fine I just…" She stopped herself saying anymore and took a deep breath to slow a rapid heartbeat.

"First time flying?" The woman offered with a kind smile before she went about her business.

"Something like that" Emily muttered to herself then glanced out the window. Half an hour later the plane had taken off and was in the process of levelling out high up in the sky. "Hotch, Rossi, Reid, Garcia, JJ and Morgan" Emily whispered to herself in another attempt of calming the nerves spreading through her body.

4 thousand miles away Garcia is in her lair updating the system, Emily told herself. Reid'll be buried in a book, Hotch and Rossi are in there offices, JJ is prioritising cases and Morgan is at his desk. They're fine. They're safe. Emily's heart rate slowly returned to a normal pace and the panic ebbed out of her body.

She knew she was going to see her family again soon but Emily couldn't help but feel disappointed with how things had turned out. She'd lost so much just for doing her job… she'd had everything taken away from her. Could she really pick it all back up again?

**This is just a short one because I was really busy at the beginning of the week as I was working at a daycare and yesterday I came down with a bug so I'm not really up for writing lots. Anyway, hopefully you liked the little bit I did write. Please review if you've got time!**


	16. the reunion

Emily couldn't sit still in the back seat of the car. Every time something caught her eye, her mind would drift for a short time before being pulled back to the situation painfully quick. The driver hadn't said a word to her since she'd got into the car and at that moment she was glad, she wasn't sure she could bare making small talk at a time like this.

A small coffeehouse sandwiched between two stores drew her attention as the vehicle sped past. That had been where Garcia, JJ and her had gotten drinks after particularly long shopping trips. A block after that she saw the bookstore Reid got most of his reading material from.

The closer she got to the office, the stronger the ache in Emily's stomach became. Almost everything she passed now had some meaning attached to it.

After several more minutes the car slowly came to a stop. "Here we are, miss" The driver stated after turning back to face the woman. "Have a nice day" He added after Emily had gotten out the car.

She waited for the vehicle to drive out of sight then took a deep breath and pulled out the phone she had been given when she got off the plane. "I'm outside, where am I going?"

"There's someone waiting in the lobby for you. He'll take you up" Hotch stated before ending the call.

Emily took a deep breath, slowed her thoughts then made her way into the office as calmly as she could. A man took a step forward almost as soon as she stepped foot in the lobby and guided her round a small corridor and up a private elevator that was rarely used by employees of the bureau.

Her heart stopped for a moment when the doors opened and the bullpen came into view. It took her a few seconds to realise that her guide was waiting patiently for her outside the elevator so stumbled forward and into the room.

Hotch was waiting patiently inside his office when Emily arrived and at that moment she'd never wished to see him more. "Have you told them yet?" She questioned while easing herself onto a chair.

"No… I thought you might want to be there when they find out" He explained, a serious look frozen on his face.

"How have they been?" Emily asked after a long pause.

"They're coping… They had almost gotten back to normal" Hotch said which deadpanned the conversation. "They're waiting in the briefing room, I should explain what is happening now before they become impatient" He stated before standing and leaving the room.

Emily paced the catwalk as she listened to the sound of Hotch's explanation. Her heart broke a little when she heard Reid and Garcia's confused questions but she didn't let herself move until she knew the time was right.

Her hand was shaking as she turned the handle and stepped inside, all eyes widening as they recognised the familiar face.

Her eyes glided over the group until finally resting on Morgan, his mouth slightly open and his eyes studying her face to make sure it was her. After a few moments Garcia, JJ and Rossi turned to see how Morgan was coping, Reid was still staring at Emily and Hotch looked more than disappointed.

"But you died… I went to your funeral" Morgan mumbled, his eyes fixed on Emily's.

"I understand this will come to a shock for all of you" Hotch began when Emily remained silent. "But this was a difficult decision for everyone involved and we all thought this was for the best"

A wave of nausea passed over Morgan causing him to stand and leave the room as fast as he could. "I have to go" Emily murmured before following him down the catwalk and grabbing his hand.

"You died" He repeated in a soft crackled voice, tears pressing at his eyes.

Emily didn't know what to say. Even if she did she wouldn't be able to at that moment, a familiar lump had formed in her throat telling her she'd break down crying if she tried to speak. The only thing she could do was pull the man into a tight hug and bury her face in his chest.

"You died" Morgan whispered again, his lips pressed into the warm fabric that covered her shoulder as a tear slipped from one of his eyes.

"I know" Emily mumbled into his chest. "It's gonna be alright now, I promise. I'm never going to leave you again"

Morgan closed his eyes tight then slowly released his grip on Emily and gently wiped a tear off her face. He slowly moved his eyes from her face down her body till it reached her stomach and his heart stopped for a moment. "Are… Are you pregnant?" He asked, a smile splitting his face as the tears evaporated from his eyes.

Emily quickly nodded and smiled wider than anyone had seen before. She took his hand and guided it down to her stomach where one of the baby's feet was resting. "You feel that?" She asked softly. "That's our baby"

Morgan stared down at the bump for a few more moments then placed a gentle kiss on Emily's lips and rested his forehead on hers. "Our baby" He murmured with a smile playing on his lips.

Garcia rested a hand on her chest as she stood next to Reid and JJ in the doorway. "They're gonna be alright, aren't they?" She asked while watching the couple.

"They're gonna be just fine" JJ assured the tech analyst and put a hand on her shoulder. "I tell you what though. We're all gonna need a strong drink after the day we've had"

"It's not even eleven o'clock" Reid stated in a confused voice as he turned to the women.

"It's never too early to start; didn't they teach you that in college?" JJ said with a small smile as the couple broke off their kiss and turned to look at the trio. Once the two groups merged and the older profilers joined them she added "I say we all head to Rossi's house and call it adjustment time, who's with me?"

**Emily's back! I still wanted to keep Garcia and JJ (and a little bit of Reid) in the story because they were really important in the beginning but I also wanted to have the romance between Emily and Morgan. I think I found the right balance but if you'd like more or less of anything please tell me. Please review if you've got time!**


	17. nightmares and confessions

Morgan stared into his coffee cup; the dark liquid inside swirling around almost calmed him enough to say what he needed to. Emily had been watching him for a few moments from across the table, she knew something was eating at him but couldn't begin to guess what it could be.

Morgan opened his mouth to say something but closed it again when he felt the lump in his throat start to form.

Emily reached across and gently took his hand in hers. "It's alright" She stated comfortingly. "Whatever you need to say, I'll be right here"

Morgan took a few deep breaths then let out a breath and swallowed the lump in his throat. "When Garcia told me about you… about her knowing you were pregnant… I- I hurt her" He explained as tears pooled in his eyes.

"You didn't mean to hurt her though" Emily said and squeezed his hand a little tighter.

"I almost lost her, Em. It doesn't matter whether I meant to or not… I still hurt her"

"I was away for seven months" She reminded the man and softly palmed one of his cheeks. "No one would have blamed you for getting angry. Especially after finding out I was pregnant" She reasoned.

"That's not the point" Morgan murmured while roughly rubbing his face to push the tears away.

Emily gently guided his hands back to the table and held them in hers. "You were grieving" She stated sternly. "Not just for me but for our baby too. I know you won't see it but what you did was understandable, alright?" She waited for Morgan to reluctantly nod before continuing. "You need to let this go, Derek. Our baby doesn't need bad feelings between you and Garcia"

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Emily's forehead was creased from fear and her body was bathed in sweat causing her hair to cling to the sides of her face. Her body was shaking uncontrollably and a small whimpering noise escaped her parted lips.

Morgan slowly stirred from his sleep, rubbed his eyes and glanced over to the source of the noise. He gently brushed the hair out of her face then palmed her cheek. "Emily, wake up" He whispered softly.

"Please" Emily whimpered in a voice so quiet it was almost inaudible. "Stop" She begged.

"Emily" Morgan said in an urgent tone. "Emily, you need to wake up" He added then put a hand on one of her shoulders and tried to gently sit her up.

"No!" She yelped before her eyes flew open, her arms shaking as she struggled to recognise Morgan in the half light. After a second or two she wrapped her hands tightly round his muscular frame, her fingers entwining round his back.

"It's okay, I've got you" He mumbled while holding and stroking her back to reassure her everything was fine.

"He was here" Emily whispered, her lips resting on the warm fabric covering Morgan's shoulder.

Morgan waited a few moments before slowly pulling Emily's body away enough so he could see her teary eyes. "Ian's dead, Emily" He stated softly while brushing a tear off her cheek. "He can't hurt you anymore"

"I know but…" Emily felt the lump form in her throat and the knots in her stomach double in size as she looked up at the man. "He had our baby" She whispered before burying her face back in Morgan's shoulder, her salty tears quickly slipping onto his skin and soaking into the fabric.

xxxxxxxxxx

Garcia took her time stirring the hot coffee then took a deep breath and carried it through to her living room where Emily was waiting. She handed one to the nervous woman then sat down with hers and gave a reassuring smile.

"It's strange seeing you again" The blonde admitted after taking a sip of her drink then placing it on the coffee table.

Emily stared down into the swirling liquid while trying to push the thoughts of the night before out of her mind. "I thought about calling you while I was away…" She admitted without taking her eyes of the cup. "I couldn't stop thinking about what you were going through"

"I was fine, Em" Garcia lied in an attempt to comfort her friend. "It wasn't anything compared to what you had to deal with" She added when Emily didn't look convinced.

"I made you promise to keep a secret you shouldn't have even known about" Emily reminded the blonde. "You thought I was dead and still kept it for me"

"You asked me to" Garcia mumbled while picking at her fingers. "I thought I owed you that much since you…" She stopped herself saying anymore then took a few deep breaths. "How's Declan?" She asked to distract herself.

"He's back at his boarding school" Emily stated while putting on a small smile that quickly faded. "You know I would have come back sooner if I could've, right?" She asked and received a slow nodded from Garcia. "It just wasn't safe… for any of us. Not while Doyle was still out there"

"No one holds it against you" Garcia said in a soft voice as the women made eye contact for the first time since their conversation began. "The team knows you were protecting them just as much as you were protecting yourself and your baby"

"I was protecting you too" Emily stated in a voice so stern Garcia knew she wasn't lying to protect her feelings. "I know it's difficult for you to understand but none of this was your fault. There was nothing you could have done to change what happened" She added while resting a hand on her stomach then smiled wryly. "I know this is a big change but you aren't this upset about getting me back, are you?"

Garcia let out a small laugh and wiped a tear off her cheek. "I can put up with you… especially once your little guy gets here" She grinned and pointed to Emily's baby bump.

"Who says it's going to be a boy?" Emily questioned while trying to appear offended before giving way to a smile.

"It's the BAU curse" Garcia said as if it was the most obvious thing. "Everyone has boys"

"Two people" Emily corrected while smiling widely at the conversation turning light hearted. "Two people had boys"

**I'll admit last week I got a little (and by that I mean very) carried away while writing the chapter but this week I decided to put a slightly different spin on the aftermath of her return. Next chapter I'll definitely have some more interaction between Emily and Morgan (now that I finally have the chance to do that) and possibly see Emily talk to JJ depending on what you guys would like to see. Also, does anyone have any suggestions on the baby's gender or possible name? Please review if you've got time!**


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